Tuesday, February 14, 2006

I Dislike VD

I gotta tell you. This is my least favorite holiday. Even worse than Grandparents day. Oh, yeah, this is a holiday with time honored tradition. Yeah, the time honored tradition of establishing the pecking order of who's cool and who's not while in grade school. I didn't like it then, and I don't now. Certain other things only added to my largely ornery disposition toward this holiday.

On another note, I still can't believe that Cheney shot a guy in the face while hunting on a ranch where they made it as easy as possible. What a dick, Dick. I sent a cartoon in honor of VD to a bunch of friends. Its today's cartoon by Tom Toles. Go find it yourself, I'm not going to post it here. Instead, here is the discussion that went on the Daily Show with Jon Stewart last night. Jon made some comments about how "Dick Cheney is the first sitting Vice-President to shoot a man since the dual between Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton, some 200 years ago. At one point, he indicated that, its too easy, like, its hard to accept payment for making fun in this situation. You couldn't write this stuff in a million years. Also a comment on "Peppered? Pepper is what you put on your salad, the guy got shot in the face." This is in reference to the Faux News Channel and their attempt at spin. Yeah, they don't put you in intensive care when you've only been "peppered" with shot. If he was only mildly injured as Faux News would have us believe, we'd see the photos! Not some publicity photo of the guy sitting behind a desk.

God, I love that show. I cannot wait for the Oscars. You think that Mrs. King's funeral were bad? You wait, sucker, you brought this on yourself you Shrub.

Dick Cheney still hasn't appeared in public to discuss his accidental shooting of a 78-year-old man, but there are plenty of people willing to speak on the veep's behalf -- among them, Comedy Central's Rob Corddry. Playing the role of a "vice president firearms mishap analyst," Corddry explained it all Monday night for Daily Show host Jon Stewart:

Stewart: Rob, obviously a very unfortunate situation. How is the vice president handling it?

Corddry: Jon, tonight the vice president is standing by his decision to shoot Harry Whittington. According to the best intelligence available, there were quail hidden in the brush. Everyone believed at the time there were quail in the brush. And while the quail turned out to be a 78-year-old man, even knowing that today, Mr. Cheney insists he still would have shot Mr. Whittington in the face. He believes the world is a better place for his spreading buckshot throughout the entire region of Mr. Whittington's face.

Stewart: But why, Rob? If he had known Mr. Whittington was not a bird, why would he still have shot him?

Corddry: Jon, in a post-9/11 world, the American people expect their leaders to be decisive. To not have shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak.

Stewart: That's horrible.

Corddry: Look, the mere fact that we're even talking about how the vice president drives up with his rich friends in cars to shoot farm-raised wingless quail-tards is letting the quail know "how" we're hunting them. I'm sure right now those birds are laughing at us in that little "covey" of theirs.

Stewart: I'm not sure birds can laugh, Rob.

Corddry: Well, whatever it is they do -- coo -- they're cooing at us right now, Jon, because here we are talking openly about our plans to hunt them. Jig is up. Quails one, America zero.

You know how the conservatives were so up in arms over Clinton letting that stupid intern taste his cigar? Man, at least he wasn't so drunk, stupid, or ignorant to shoot his own friend in the face. There has never been a man that deserved to have the name Dick, more.

1 comment:

juni said...

Spring is on the Way!!!!!!! March is around the corner; No Ides to Beware; I declare!!!!!!! Have a gas and be HAPPY!!!!!!! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!