Monday, June 04, 2007

Happy Birthday - Now Get Back Into The Grave

For two months I've been reading (Mojo) and hearing how its the anniversary of the summer of love and most importantly that behemoth recording by the Beatles, Sergeant Peppers Lonely Hearts Club band. And man its only begun, three more months to suffer through.

Lets get it over with. I've not enjoyed that album for 20 years. The last time a Beatles re-issue (and face it, that is all there ever will be - re-issues, they're as dead as Led Zeppelin and so many other has beens) for that recording. I heard on and on how marvelous George Martin had made the CD sound. So I bought it. Sucker! Oh sure, I pretended at first, but I soon came to the conclusion: I no longer liked it. Its dated. Its dull. Its well packaged to the point of having no soul. Its calculated to reach the easily led. Its the Wal Mart of recordings.

Sure they sing about a girl leaving home, but Tom Waits would have had a lot better story about the namby pamby chickenshit girl leaving home. Big deal. And if that was '67 where was the brewing angst? Oh yeah. Explosions. And holes in Albert Hall. Huh? They had nothing to compare to the stuff the Stones were doing or going to do. And face it after Sgt. Peppers, the Beatles began that slide down hill to bickering. Arguing over money (of which there was plenty) and whose girlfriend was a bigger pain in the ass (Yoko or tuneless Linda - shit, you pick for me cause that is one appalling choice - vegan TV dinners or the horseface screecher?) There was poor Ringo stuck in the middle just enjoying the ride and trying to make it last.

What the hell did they have to be stressed out about? It was Brian "Surfer" Wilson driving himself mad in California because he couldn't compete. It was Brian Jones, giving his life to what? Because of depression over the loss of his band? Because he was stupid? Who exactly knows? Then Mick Taylor did his time in the Stones and found it to be great, but enough was enough. And left happily And then Bill Wyman, where the bloody hell was his brain anyhow? Did he think he was more than a bit player or what? Talk about deluded. Even his loopy book of his "happy" days in the Stones was incredibly boring. Take a song like "Sympathy For The Devil" and add a murder during a free concert performance of it.

Do the Beatles have anything like that? Like heck. They only drama they ever had they created so they'd have tension to work against. They had slap fighting between Lennon and McCartney over whose name went first on the credits like two sixth grade girl scouts arguing over who was the better cookie Mom. Shit kill me now Lord. And people worship the non-existent recordings they don't make.

The reason that the Beatles stand out? Why people remember them? They can remember their boring lyrics without working at. They can easily remember the song they heard after getting laid the first time or some sad tale. "She loves you yee-ah". Oh, boy. Try deciphering Tumbling Dice by the Stones sometime. Oh hell, try deciphering anything on "Exile On Main Street". Music is supposed to be cerebral, not for simpletons to easily memorize. Give me "Beggars Banquet", "Exile..", "Let It Bleed", "Sticky Fingers" and "Some Girls" over everything in not only the Beatles catalog, but everything in that stupid Apple records company catalog. Oh boy, that amounted to a lot.

Strand me on a deserted island with a single Beatles recording and I'd kill myself long before rescue is possible. Give me the Stones and I'll be happier to think of a way to signal, survive, and escape from that sandy hot hell. They just have so much more soul. Everything is so well calculated with the Beatles that its hard to imagine anything but a perfect world that is impossible. Memorable lyrics? Yeah they are easy to remember but are they worthy?

Where was their angst against the US? Weren't they sick of us already and our war in Vietnam? Forty years later our own Rufus Wainwright is, thank God, showing us what schmucks we've become collectively. And twenty years ago it was the Clash. Here's lyrics for you.

"Back in my garage
with my bullshit detector
Carbon monoxide
making sure its effective"
"Garageland" The Clash from the first recording "The Clash."

And how about this?

Never mind the stars and stripes
Lets print the Watergate Tapes
I'll salute the New Wave
Lets hope nobody escapes
I'm so bored with the U...S..A..
"I'm So Bored With The USA" The Clash from their first recording "The Clash".

And this for Paris "Jailbird" Hilton, enjoying her stay in big house:

I don't wanna hear about what the rich are doing
I don't wanna go to where the rich are going
They think they're so clever, they think they're so right
But the truth is only known by guttersnipes
"Garageland" The Clash from the first recording "The Clash."

So instead of making a cake and planting candles I'll dig a hole, shove my Sgt. Peppers recordings in it, piss on it from on high, and shovel manure on top so it won't rise again in 20 years and no one will notice the stink. So happy fucking birthday Sgt. Peppers, now stay dead.


Pete said...

You seem like more of a Magical Mystery Tour kind of guy. ;-)

Nathan said...

Oh, man, Pete - you made a great post even better. :D

And, my vote? Yoko had talent and vision. You'll never take Imagine away from me...

Cinnamon (Canela) said...

*hanging head in shame*

Hi. My name is Cinnamon and I am a Beatles Fan. I have not listened to the Beatles in about 2 months now but I live this challenge one day at a time.